Random Thoughts

Posted By Warren on June 15, 2010

When I was a child in the harsh deserts of Arizona…

My mom used to take us out on spur of the moment trips. One trip tended to be right after it rained. Noticing a rainbow in the sky, my mom would pile us in the car we would take off from the house. We would spend the rest day trying to find the end of the glorious desert rainbow. We’d work our way through whatever desert sands and back roads we could, looking for that elusive and always in front of us mirage. My brother and I would discuss what we would find at the end of the rainbow and my mom would join in, always ready to share a dream with her two sons.

We’d often have the AC in the car turned on high to combat the desert heat, and I’d watch the miles roll by and the sun slowly drift across the desert sky. I remember closing my eyes in the back seat, willing myself to believe that the car was traveling the opposite direction that it was traveling. Believe it or not it would work, but I’d always be a bit disoriented when I opened my eyes.

I remember my brother and I would sit and and talk about the oddest things. The type of leprechaun we’d meet. What we would do with the gold. What if our favorite cartoon characters were real. We’d also make up new carnival rides for the fair. (The Hammer and the nail is one I remember. People would ride in both a giant hammer and a giant nail: It would go until the nail was pounded in to the ground.) My mom never seemed to mind. She would have the radio up, country musing pounding out the typical southern twang. We would often sing along to the songs, especially if it were a Hank Williams Jr. song. My brother was really in to Hank Williams Jr. when we were both kids… I can still hear Hank’s gravely voice float in the back of my mind as I write this.

Though we never found the end of the rainbow, the trips to search for it were worth the time spent looking.

I often wonder if I am just chasing the end of the rainbow in my life. Why I can’t just be content to do the same job for years at a time. If there is something that is wrong with me, some sort of immaturity inside me that keeps me from truly being comfortable at any one place. I have all these hopes and dreams… But they are hopes and dreams i’ve had for many years. I wonder if I should give up, give in, and just live life like everyone else. As I grow older, these thoughts come more and more to my mind. I wonder if I’ll ever fight through the issues I have with myself and actually…be someone.

I have days where I feel like I can take on the world. Those day are good, I love feeling confident in myself. But others… Others I just want to crawl in to my bed and stay there, not letting anyone in side my self made hole.

I am learning to deal with both types of days. I am learning to just enjoy the trip to find the end of the rainbow. Even if I never make it, I need to make sure that my trip wasn’t in vain. my mom proved that finding the rainbow isn’t what the trip is about, it is the journey that is brings meaning.

I don’t want to be one of those people that just lives in the past, relying on the dusty remains of tattered hopes and lost dreams.

I won’t be, but sometimes I feel like it is inevitable. Luckily I am not always like that and end up snapping out of it.

Which is good…I think, heh.

Category: Random Thought | No Comments »
Tags: desert, history, rainbow

Posted By Warren on June 12, 2010

How do writers write when they are not feeling well? Take yesterday, for example. I don’t know what happened, but something hit me like a bullet to the brain. It was mostly concentrated in my head. Light hurt my brain, to open my eyes was to feel excruciating pain. This was combined with the fact my brain felt like one big moth ball. Thoughts and actions that don’t come the fastest to begin with were positively leisurely in coming.

By the end of the day my brain felt much better, but thoughts and writing were still slow to come. My brain still seemed to be full of cotton when I tried to write. I knew I wasn’t better, so I just called off the piece I was working on and went back to bed. Since that is what I had been doing most of the day anyway…

Today I can still feel the effects, but it is much easier for words to pour forth. I postponed one article I was working on until today, because the words literally felt like they were being yanked from my head one at a time. I will have to finish it today…

My mind is still a big woolen today, so I am going to cut this post a tad short. I know that, as a writer, I will have to write sick at some point. Luckily there are people that have come before me and I can look up advice on the internet.

Maybe I’ll just forget yesterday ever happened…

Category: Random Thought | No Comments »
Tags: sick, star trek, writing

Posted By Warren on June 10, 2010

Tired.

What to say?

Hmm.

Something funny and/or witty.

……

Nothing is coming to me. But I must post, so I shall type something.

A few things about me:

• I love Monty Python’s Search for the Holy Grail. But I have to be in a certain mood to watch it.
• I have been reading as long as I can remember. I know I there has to be a time when I didn’t read, but I can’t remember it. I had to be reading by the time I was four…
• I used to read handmedown books from my brother. This is one reason I always read at a higher grade level, I think.
• I had an adult library card by the time I was 11. I had read all the books I wanted to in the children’s section and kept bugging my mom until she gave me one…
• …there were some books in the adult section I probably shouldn’t of read. One was called ‘Make Us Happy.” it was a hippy’s version of the future.
• As a kid I really hated that Fantasy and Science Fiction were mixed. I scoffed at the idea that ‘fantasy’ literature would share the same shelf space as lofty authors such as Asimov, Niven, and Clarke.

  Now I mainly read fantasy, though I do still like to read science fiction…

That’s enough for now. I think I’m going to bed.

Category: Random Post | No Comments »
Tags:

Posted By Warren on June 9, 2010

I’ve had people tell me they don’t know much more about me then that I am a gamer. That it is what they see, so that is what I am being judged on. I know there is much more to me then the mere playing in virtual worlds. Yet this is something I have dealt with my whole life…

It’s kind of funny…my life is pretty transparent. I blog about most of what I do and it also appears on facebook as well as on my twitter feed. If a person doesn’t know about my life beyond gaming, it is because that person isn’t reading my blogs or twitter posts…or even talking to me. Some things I have no need to tell other people about; I’m not trying to be this “look at me!” type of person. I never have been. Like when I help someone. I help people because they need help, not because I want credit for it.

Yet I spent much of the last decade doing just that: helping people. First my brother and his kids, then a friend of mine, then my mom. I may not be a success in the eyes of some people but I know that these people wouldn’t have made it without my help or it would not have been as easy. Not that it was easy, mind you. I know, i was there. I say this not to blow my own horn, as I said above I don’t like to, but to remind myself that I have made a bit of an impact with my life.

Outside of that, I’ve worked in Yellowstone twice. I’ve stood on top of the Empire State building and the World Trade Center. I took a train trip to Atlanta, Georgia. I’ve spent a night wondering around the streets of New Orleans. I took a 60 hour round trip bus ride to Portland, Oregon and also spent a night in San Francisco watching the fog roll in.

I’ve done quite a bit. My life may not be successful in the traditional sense but I am proud of what I’ve accomplished and excited about my future.

Speaking of the future: I am a tad rotund now but it hasn’t always been that way. At one time I walked three miles a day and weight lifted every day. I was in really good shape but I did not realize it. I still played video games during that time and read many books. I want to get that way again and I know that the gaming portion of my life that I get criticized for has nothing to do with me being fat.

In fact, I dare say I’d probably be a chubby guy even if video games were never invented.

Yet things like gaming and the geek culture are a part of my very being. I come across so many people that are often, as I have been, shunted to the side of society. Though gaming and such are becoming a bit more mainstream, geekary is still something that attracts those that are outcast from the rest of society.

I know there are all kinds of people in life and we can’t judge one just by the external activities they do. We must take a moment and get to know them and not make assumptions based on something like gaming. It is a kind of bias that seems to be prevalent right now, one that should be fought against.

So yes I’m a gamer, I’ll always be one. But that doesn’t mean the rest of my life means nothing. It also doesn’t mean I think gaming is the end all and be off of existence. It is just something I do on this mortal coil as our world goes hurtling around the gaseous ember we call the sun.

I leave you with another reason I, and others like me, game:

Category: Real Man 101 | No Comments »
Tags:

Posted By Warren on June 8, 2010

Yesterday seemed easy.

I felt like I accomplished more then I usually do. Random Encounters is up and running again. I wrote a few articles. I cleaned. I did laundry. I looked for a job. I even helped my grandma wash a car. Today though…

It has been hard. I haven’t been feeling good. I’ve been really, really hot. I’ve had to fight off depressive spells. I’ve been overly sensitive to my own writing. Today has just been an off day.

Yet I’ve been making a list of things to do every morning (Using Remember the Milk.) I’ve been trying to do a majority of the list and I have been doing that. It has helped me, today, to keep moving. Just knowing I need to get these things finished, to feel some sort of accomplishment, for the day has helped tremendously. In my list I have things I know I want to do and things I can put off. Luckily I’ve been getting both done, though I have put off a few things each day. That is okay: I am working. Sure it isn’t for money…but I feel like I am not just *existing* in the world anymore, being blown along like a leaf on the wind.

I hope anyway.

Next up: I need to get a job. Hopefully I can get one that lets me work from home… I really do not want to go in to some place again. I am so tired of working for bad pay in a dead end job… We’ll see. I have some ideas; I’ll keep the blog updated when it happens.

Category: Random Post | No Comments »
Tags: accomplishment

Posted By Warren on June 7, 2010

The night was wet. Rain hit the ground in great drops, exploding on the pavement and soaking the legs of those passing. Above the crowds of people, the roar of plane engines could be heard. Closer then farther, mixed in with the rattle of gun fire. As the flaming wreckage of one of the aeroplanes came hurtling in to the street, the crowds tried to hide under anything that they could. There wasn’t anywhere to hide; the city had been blown mostly to rubble ages ago.

“Mommy…?” a little girl tugged on the hand of a fallen body. Her clothes were rags with soot and blood clotting her hair. A well dressed man stopped for a moment as he heard the plantation cry. Checking the body, he shook his head in dismay. He picked up the girl and threw her over his shoulder, despite her continued cries for her mother. Above them another explosion could be heard as the man trudged through the rubble. Screams of panic and cries of pain were silenced as heat and wind knocked the man forward. He wrapped his hands around the child as he fell, trying to position her so she would hurt.

After what seemed like hours the man picked himself up. Wet and bloody, he checked himself and found he could stand. The body of the girl had some how ended up below him, but it was to late. He felt something break inside of him as he saw pieces of shrapnel pepper her head; the child had been facing the explosion when it happened. Small areas of fire could be felt on his back and he knew he had been wounded himself.

Leaving the dead child with nothing but a prayer for her soul, the man trudged on. The war claimed another innocent and another piece of his heart was eaten by the never ending conflict…

Category: Random Freewrite | No Comments »
Tags: war

Posted By Warren on June 6, 2010

Almost six am on a Sunday morning. I slept most of the day yesterday, was not feeling good at all. I’m still feeling so so today, but I do have a list of things to do.

I’ve started using Remember The Milk combined with Google Calendar. You can import your RTM tasks lists in to Google Calendar so you have everything there at a glance. Pretty cool; now I just wish I had a portable device I could use the tools with… Not that I have anywhere to go right now, mind you. Heh.

I need to work on a few websites today, get my laundry finished, work on my room… Write.

Yes. I made a list.

At the top of my list is Prayer. I want the foundation of my day to be based on that. I’ve never been one to pray when I wake up, but when I do I seem to be able to handle life a whole lot better. Things become muted a little; my own emotional and volatile nature is easier to control. I also write better/more often when I start the day with Prayer… Makes me wonder why I fight doing it sometimes.

Ah well.

I am no longer in a relationship with my…now ex-girlfriend. Well not in a romantic one. We are friends. I have never, ever been in this situation before. I’ve never been ‘friends’ with an ex… It is kind of odd. I don’t mind it really and I still have feelings for her but…you know. I want to go back to her at times, but other times… I want to meet someone a bit more like myself. Kind of like this:

Someone that loves what I am interested in and wants to be part of it. Someone that does want to hear about my level 100 Paladin of Blinding Light (or whatever.)

Yet I’m not ready to jump in to another relationship at the moment. I just want to take care of myself for a month or two… Loose weight. Get writing going. Websites up.

Then I’ll start going to gaming/scifi/fantasy Cons and look for women…heh.

Sounds like a plan

Category: Random Thought | No Comments »
Tags: organization, Relationships

Posted By Warren on June 4, 2010

I enjoy working on webpages, but much like writing it is something that I have to, initially, force myself to do. Getting in to a habit helps tremendously, but it is very easy for me to fall out of that habit. I need to make sure that if I miss a day, like I missed posting here yesterday, I don’t *stop* trying to reach my goal. It has always been very easy for me to get bogged down in what I’m not doing, instead of doing what I should be doing.

If that makes sense.

So I have been working on my other web page. I wanted to get it up today but I can see that isn’t doable today; so I have been doing what I can before severe fatigue sets in. That is another ‘thing’ I need to deal with: My weight. I am fatter then I have ever been so… I need to do something about it.

One step at a time, eh? Of course I really need more then one step in this case, heh.

I am getting things together in my life. It’s slower then I’d like, but hey I am starting to reach goals I set. I’m setting small ones: Like I’ve almost finished doing the dishes in the kitchen. Then I plan on getting the kitchen clean. Then I’ll work on my room. Get myself set up in a way I am comfortable with… Go from there. Get my computer cleaned out, put in a new hard drive. (New, old hard drive.) Continue to write everyday, go back to my “One story a week” deadline I had. Things like that… Just getting one goal done a day helps get the next goal set up.

I just… I just need to stop being so tired. I will, I promise. Just getting there can be hard sometimes.

I don’t know how many of you know this, but I love the work of Michael Whelan. He has illustrated a ton of book covers (including the Dark Tower series by Stephen King) but I think I like his personal work the best.

Here is a picture of his called leap of faith. Pretty much sums up how I feel about life at this moment, heh.

You can find his website by clicking here

Category: Random Thought | No Comments »
Tags: Random thoughts on a friday

Posted By Warren on June 2, 2010

I have not been sleeping well lately. I don’t know if it is the 3 years I worked graveyard shift, or the house is usually way to hot for me, or the mental/emotional stuff I have been going through lately. Or the lack of exercise and sitting on my butt for 2 and a half years. Or maybe that my blood stream is more caffeine then blood.. It seems like I get about four hours of sleep and end up waking up. That isn’t enough, of course. I seem to be in this half asleep state all the time, forcing myself to live but not really living.

I think exercising will help that. I’ve started; in a small way. I can’t believe how out of shape I am. It is really embarrassing, seeing as I used to be able to walk 3 miles with no problem and lift weights on a daily basis. Now I get winded and hurting just by weeding the yard… I can’t believe I let myself sink to this level, physically. Ah well, all I can do is start to *do* things again and get my body used to…you know…moving.

I am also going to keep to my daily writing schedule. Gotta keep my mind sharp…ish. Exercise, writing…that should help in the other areas of my life. Probably should stop drinking sodas again… I stopped for months and months, but I started again a little bit ago when things were going south in my just now in the past relationship.

So. Exercise. Writing. Stop drinking sodas. Maybe work in yellowstone for a couple of months… Give my life a jump start. There is so much I want to do, I need to start doing it and stop making excuses.

Yah…sounds like a plan.

The following picture is the Norris Geyser basin at night. It has a high concentration of geyers and is a very cool place to visit at 2 am. I went there in the middle of the night during a thunder and lightening storm… it was truly epic. To bad I don’t have a picture, but I will incorporate the experience in to written form at some point.

Category: Random Thought | No Comments »
Tags: caffeine, exercise, Norris Geyser Basin, writing, Yellowstone

Posted By Warren on June 1, 2010

I sit here thinking of what to write about. I know I need to write, to get up and just…start typing. Should I try to be creative and freewrite a story?

“Delphi laughed, his deep voice rumbling through the canyon. “Socrates you old dastard! You will never take me alive!” Delphi launched a missile and watched it streak towards the old philospher. “KNOW THYSELF SOCRATES! You will be dead soon, may you soon see your gods in hell!”

Socrates didn’t blink, he waited until Delphi was squarely centered in his sites. The lazer would do the job that 500 greek assassins couldn’t do…

“Know this!” Socrates said as he pulled the trigger. The lazer lanced in to Delphi, his chest exploding indward with a mist of hyper heated blood. Socrates only had time to smile before the missile hit next to him…”

That actually felt kind of good, though I know how silly the concept is. Socrates as a toga clad action star? That would be funny. A little like watching Gandi order a steak, medium rare:

I love stuff like that. It reminds me that movies used to be both silly and funny. It seems like so many ‘comedies’ now are just excuses to be kind of vulgar, going more for shock instead of actual humor. I wonder sometimes if the whole world has lost it’s sense of funny. I don’t think so but… I dunno. Ah well Just means I need to write some good scripts.

I’m writing this today as a way to lubricate my own writing joints. I figure I’ll try to start off blogging each morning in an effort to get the juices flowing. I need time to be a little more structured again: after 2 and a half years working graveyard shift, time seems to shift to easily. I need it to become something a little more…solid. A measuring unit I can depend on.

Time is always ticking away though…

Random Encounters will be back up soon. I have a young artist working with me and I should be able to start posting a new comic this Friday. Plus I have some geek related stuff I’ve been writing. I am going to work on the website today, among other things. Go me!

I guess I’ll shut up now and get back to…doing that thing I do.

Category: Random Thought | No Comments »
Tags: randomly pondering